Friday, August 1, 2014

Untitled

People said that this-is-kinda-never-ending story.
My best friends said that this is crazy.

It's about you in my story.
It's our story.
You &me.

We met, we were being a friend, we fell in love, we felt hurts, we fell in love with another person, we became a best friend, and we met again, we fell in love for the second time, we fell in love for the third time, we were happy, we made memories, we made promises, we cheated, we got fight, and finally we broke up for real.

We met the new ones.
You broke up first, I didn’t.

Shit happened.

Every time I got fight with him and felt so hurt I just wanted you to accompany me.
No matter what time it was. No matter where you were.
I sent you a long message, told you everything.
We sometimes had a phone call at mid night just to talk about my fckin drama.
I just wanted you to hear me cry because you were the only one who realized my voice after crying.
I just wanted you to hear every story because I just felt like you were the one who completely knew about me. 

Yes, you did.
You completely knew about me.

We had so many conversation.
We were being like this for more than 3 years, more than i'm being his girlfriend.
We didn’t meet that often but once I asked you to come whenever I got a problem, you came. Always.

He knew about it and said that you were my back up plan
but really, you didn't.
I never mean it.

Until we met again exactly a week before that day..
Before another shit happened we were just fine.
Really fine. 

We talked so fine until the "Time Changes" just happened.

It started about a month ago…
Everything was so good in its path, in the right way.
You and your girls. Me and him.

Then suddenly I got fight with him, I felt hurts, I cried,
I couldn’t describe how it felt except like “Okay, it’s enough”.
Then as always, I wanted you every time the condition like that attack me.
I asked you to come then you came.

I couldn't lie that I like everything about you.
E v e r y t h i n g.
I love the way you look at me
the way you smile at me
the way you hold my hand
the way you kiss my forehead
the way you talk
the way you hug
I like your smell...too much.

You always made me calm with your own way.

Shit happened again then.
Shit really happened.

It’s been a month you drove me into my memories, into our memories.
Then I realized...
I mean I just realized that I was too dumb to be 'me' in front of you.
I could be that annoying,
I could be that disgusting,
I could be anything I wanted.
I just could do those things only in front of you.
Only you, not anyone else.

I forgot that you care but it didn’t mean that you still love me.

I was too selfish to think about what I was thinking.
I was too selfish to think about me only, not you, not us.
I was too selfish to say anything easily.

I knew that my last words were not clear. Might it would never be.
I didn’t even know how to tell you about my feelings, about my thoughts, about everything that ruined my mind since the day we met again for the last time.
You just treated me like there was something wrong.
I mean I also felt like there was something wrong.

Once I tried to talk about what's on my mind then you said something that made me so surprise.
You said you loved me, you said that you imagine if we could be together again,
but then you just went.

You disappeared.
You left me.

I still didn’t understand why you could go.
You left me with no reason and I was in the worst situation ever.
I really didn't know where to go.
Every time someone left me, I just ran into you,
now when you are the one who left me,
where else would i go?

Then another shit came.
Shit always happened.

You changed.

I didn’t know the reason why you changed.
You left me like you never said anything to me, like you never did anything to me.
You just said that you did those shits just in case you knew me
and you didn’t want to see me in the sadness alone
but then you just went.

You left me.

You just left your last words, said you needed to stay away.
Okay, fine. Just did what you wanted.
I said that I thank you for that.

I've already said thank you for always be here every time I need you the most.
I said it for a million times.

Then here, I would like to thank you for another important thing...
Thank you for always made me felt this way in the ending.
You’re always doing it very well :’)

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